Tuesday, October 09, 2007

An Open Letter

Dear Maternity Clothes Manufacturers of America:

Just curious as to whether or not you have ever met a pregnant woman?

Because based on all the clothes I have been trying on, you apparently think we grow exponentially in the belly and everything else stays the same or gets smaller. I have been down this road twice. And the majority of my female friends and acquaintances have as well. And let me tell you something – ain’t nothing getting smaller.
Okay, because I have more or less maintained my starting weight during this pregnancy, my shoulders and collarbone area are smaller. Everything else below my collarbones, though, from boobage to ankles, has gotten bigger. As is the case with most women. Even those who look like they are “all baby” get wider thighs, broader hips, and more “upholstery” everywhere.

Which is why I find it particularly galling to try on clothes that practically fall down in the belly, stretch across the butt (how does THAT happen?) and are incredibly skinny in the thighs. I try a size up, and everything falls down.

Also? Short women get pregnant. Just thought you might want to know, since every damn pair of pants I have tried on are miles too long. Like, I could make another pair of pants out of the fabric I have to get rid of. And I am not Lilliputian short, I’m 5’2.” Short-length pants are cuff-able, but regular pants, forget it.

And? Even people who don’t want to spend thousands on their maternity wardrobes have a sense of chic. Plain, boring tee shirts, ugly polyester-clingy stretch pants, and dorky little florals are not things I prefer to wear when I am not gestating, what makes you think I would now? When I am crabbier?

(although here’s a sign the hormones are kicking in: I saw a matching nightgown-onesie set and actually considered it. Let us just discuss The Ugly possessed by both items. The nightgown was barely a notch above hospital gowns in style and pattern. There were teddy bears involved, I believe, and perhaps some depiction of pacifiers or bottles or some such. For a grownup).

Here’s what we want: attractive, simple, well-made clothes in natural fibers that fit a range of sizes. Some acknowledgement that every bit of our bodies change, not just our bellies. Personal style, at, hell, a reasonable price (a girl can dream, right?).

Thank you.

Amy I. Motown


portuguesa nova said...

Oh hell yeah.

I also had a problem with everything revealing way way way too much cleavage.

Theresa said...

I think I had that nightgown/onesie set with the teddy bears. Was the one you saw a nursing gown? My mom bought mine for me. I tried to wear it but my gigantic milk-filled boobs were TOO BIG to fit through the openings. Yeah, that was fun.

apt said...

2 years ago at this time I had a hard time finding anything without either sequins or hoods. I was excited to find a simple, long sleeved t-shirt. That fit. And then I looked at my boobs and saw that it had "OH baby" bedazzled across the chest.
Please tell me the sequin and hood craze has come and gone.
Also, in all of my head nodding, I dont want to forget to commend you on this letter. Well done.

pnutsmama said...

amen, sister.

by the end of my 8th month i was down to two pairs of maternity bike shorts and three of my husband's t-shirts (size large that had shrunk a bit). thank god empire-style tops are in right now.

did you know h&m makes maternity now? wow. also gap! (shush, i know you hate them but jeez, girl, they have short-length jeans and you can go to the real store at the mall, find the ones you like and then go get them on ebay).

and may i ask wtf with me not gestating for 2 years now yet my ribs and hips are still wider than they were pre-baby? it's like all of my old tshirts end up somewhere mid-drift, and no one thinks that is attractive, least of all me.

MommyK said...

I have the boobage problem even when not pregnant. I don't have a huge chest, but if a shirt fits across that area, it's too large in the rest of the torso. So forget finding something tailored that is also flattering!

I hated pregnancy clothes with babies and bottles and crap like that on them. Just because you're HAVING a baby doesn't mean you want to LOOK like a baby!

Congrats on your boy!

caramama said...

Delurking to say:
Sing it sister!!!

I was so frustrated at the tops, which wouldn't have fit my boobs pre-pregnancy!

BTW, Gap was my lifesaver for pants, although I still had to get the ankle-length pants hemmed. And a few months after my baby was born, Ann Taylor (my favorite store for work clothes) came out with a maternity line!

Also, I've been meaning to tell you congrats on the boy!!

Oz said...

Got to agree. Why, oh why, do all of my pants fall down? It can't be because my belly isn't big enough - if it gets any bigger, I'll need a wheelbarrow to cart it about. It's these crazy ass maternity clothes. And I got some maternity pants that were supposedly "short", and they're still too damn long.