Biting my tongue in half

So, I have been on a major cranky-fest lately. Many many things irk me. Do I like this? No. Thus, I try to keep my mouth shut and be pleasant. Last time I was this cranky, I was pregnant (no, I am not, and thought I was, which adds ever so much to the crankitude) and alienated people. Lucky blog readers you, you get to listen to the things I kept in my head.


""Can I just BE SICK? Do you have to, invariably, the day after I come down with a serious head cold or the flu or whatever, claim that you too are getting just as sick? Do I have to cut off a limb to get some sympathy around here?"

"Listen, survey respondent, either SAY you don't want to participate or fucking PARTICIPATE ALREADY. DO NOT hang up on me or attempt to be Mr. Funny Guy, that's just rude."

"Do not use a high cutesy girl voice to camouflage your bitchiness. I have dealt with your type before and I will END YOU."

"Let the kid have some freakin' sugar one day a year. And GET OVER YOURSELF."

"Re-posting articles from elsewhere in their entirety on on your blog is a) a copyright violation and b) boring. Learn how to link, and, oh yes, get a topic."

"Dear Detroit Free Press: Yes, it's exciting the Tigers are in the World Series. Other things have happened in the world. Can we perhaps hear about them? Also, are we children, so you devote enormous amounts of features real estate to a "make a pennant" contest? I know newspapers are to be written at a fifth grade level but I didn't realize you were primarily read BY actual fifth-graders. Finally: it is "prostate" cancer that men get, not "prostrate" cancer. I understand you think your writers should have experience at a daily paper and that's why you won't hire me, but I can make that distinction AND can come up with better for readers than a coloring contest."

Ahhhhhhhh. Thanks for letting me vent. Care to pitch your bitch? Post a comment.