Getting close

Things I hear way, way too much these days ....
(stare at stomach area)
"So.....you're getting close, huh?"
"HOW soon are you due?" (subtext--does this poor woman have to walk around like that for much longer?)
"Is it a boy or a girl? Name?"

Things I say wayyy too much....

"Hi, It's Amy. No I am not having the baby, I am calling to tell you...."
"GET. OUT. Lease is up!"
(and frequent bribes--so far we have offered a car when she goes to college and an appearance by George Clooney at her 13th birthday party. And pointed out that while she may be running out of room where she is, she gets the run of a 1500 sf three bedroom house when she comes out). Whenever we talk about doing anything with her, buying anything, starting a college fund, I make a point to say this loudly in the general direction of my belly.

People asking the questions doesn't really bother me -- it's just a sign of how happily people want to welcome a new baby into the world (and yes, talk to me if I go as overdue as I fear, Miss Happy Sunshine will have morphed into Snarly Girl, I am sure). And lots of people know, or I think have guessed, at our story so people have that extra meaure of happiness for us.

But for the love of GOD, I want this child OUT. I am ready to have a baby, not a "payload" as Paul calls it. I want to look at her and know she's okay, not do kick counts with bated breath. I want to hold and snuggle and love her, not just stroke my belly. I want to hear her cry and change her diaper, even. I am ready.